Grief

Experiencing days of feeling tearful and sad.  In typical fashion I examine myself for the cause. Depressed due to my TBI? A genetic bump from the injury? Feeling sorry for myself? Those on the outside always have an opinion. And truthfully to my credit, I watch, observe and listen. It's simple to form a belief, a feeling or an opinion. Weird as it may appear, I struggle with things without really knowing what is at the heart of the matter.
The truth of the matter is I'm experiencing grief. Memories of yesterday are only of value when we learn. As a human being learning can come through pain. But let's look at reality. With two legs severed off recovery takes time. Literally and emotionally we are now forever changed.Walking, running or dancing and eventually climbing upstairs. It comes slow.
Thinking of Brain Injury it seems more like this: The universe of self explodes and reforms. What if Mars exchanged places with our moon and the moon exploded into the sun and Venus up and disappeared? Surviving and continuation is still expected and worked on. Self explosion is confusing. More so than losing your legs.
Well, whatever. It is different. Unrecognized by us, the survivors or by those who knew us best or least. Grief ends. Life continues. Some do their best while others grieve their loses forever.
I would rather fight while my only issue currently is my trouble in training for a tomorrow.
I must learn how to regain my strength in every fashion.
Meanwhile, I sleep and I cry and watch my chickens all day.
Dammit!