The River of Life

On this day in 2003 me mum died unexpectedly. Unexpectedly in that she was built to exceed ninety plus years. Her liver shut down shortly after a hip replacement. May have strongly bid for an attorney but unexpected things make the family move on in shock.
This picture was taken in the early 1950's. She sits in thought.
Prior to my Brain Injury I had opportunity to sit in no-thought. Meditation allows thought to enter the mind like clouds do the sky. We are able to watch them cross from one horizon the the other. Change shapes, size and color.
We grab tightly to thought which manifests as a rudder forcing us along on the sky of life. We are born and we know also that one day we shall also die. From birth to death emotions such as fear and anxiety, depression and anger, love or lust or greed or desire can either steer or be observed.
My Brain Injury has taken over my (??) whereby I emotion has excessive authority. Physically I am altered in undesirable way. The mechanism of the human brain has also been changed.
It is confusing and appears that feeling anxious and depressed is reasonable. And I concur. I believe that the issue lies with grabbing emotion and letting it drag us along or being able to observe its arrival and departure.
It is a Practice. One that I have dropped and continue to find like a hot potato. I don't want to give up. I may need a little Ativan to assist. A little. The future now, appears more mysterious that it did five or ten years ado. Do I want to struggle in the river of life or learn how to ride it?
Oh well.... I miss you Mum. I give you love and apologies. I wish that you could have met Ann. You would really like her.