Consistent Inconsistency

I've used a badly sprained ankle as an example many times. Your injury is such that when you're in pain and lose your place in the line up for a while you implement suggested measures and work on bringing down inflammation and stay off your feet. Over an extended period of time it begins to feel better and you limp around taking it easy. Slowly you find that your shoe is allowed back on the foot of the sprain and with continued soaking and pain medication you reach a point of it becoming workable. In time, you feel normal and finally reach a period where you're okay. The sprain is forgotten.

Having a traumatic brain injury makes the rules are completely different. Thinking, feeling and physical issues change as cards do in a card game. We see an Ace in the game played and the deck no longer holds it. The game continues as another shuffle is made. At some point in the game the Ace reappears.

Your dizziness and/or imbalance disappears. As does your anxiety or sleeping problems. Your word search or other portions of memory improve. The list goes on. And on. With a sprained ankle, once you reach a point of advance, you dismiss that portion of your injury. Having a TBI, an issue gone resembles the card game. It is re-dealt. Many times over as in a long poker game. This does not mean that things are left without hope. Like a poker game the cards can change but the time and game is a gamble. We never know what hurdle we'll overcome or when it will occur or when it is over.

In my experience some positive changes appear permanent. Some linger and roll like waves. High, low, and sometimes an unexpected current. It is important that you keep track. Keep a journal or pay close attention. It's also important to name without emotion. Use awareness to keep score. Not as one might in a game but as you would in creating something. In building, playing Jenga or playing Lincoln logs, it is foolish to knock it all down and walk away. Perhaps it's like painting a picture. It's juvenile to toss paint all over the canvas and try to walk home. We need to work on things. We need to avoid seeking those who suffer as we do only for the point of complaining.

Sometimes letting it all go is a way of gaining ground. Sitting with my buddy and have a Spring clean up bonfire made things seem normal. We've done it many times before. No expectations and light conversation. I stated that it was fun and good. It made me feel so normal. He agreed. Just two buds doing an old thing together. Find those friends who are from the days of old and acceptance. It is very healing,