I write about TBI because I find it helpful - for me. When we meet the people we've known before our brain injury they always ask based on habit or social tradition, "How are you doing?. People in general are only being polite. Lives are complicated. Nothing is adamantly easy for everyone we know. It's easy for us to state how complicated things are. We almost can't help it. But even the most polite and caring of people really want to or need to hear about our issues. I don't think that we can help ourselves though. Everything has changed. Our relationships have changed. With radical changes in ourselves we no longer relate in the same way that we did. Emotionally we're different. Our thinking and ability to converse has changed. For many of us, just staying at home and being alone seems to be more of a simple and peaceful track.
For me, I do feel like a square peg, round peg that cannot find the hole. I'm lonely but I'm not. I'm anti social but I'm not. It's relative to my cooking (I can) or playing guitar (I can) or read. Nothing really fits anymore. Trying to fit in with others who have had a brain injury is also not a natural fit.
I find a need to talk with someone. One on one in the quiet of quiet of a fire or restaurant or a hike in nature appears to work well. Would love someone who would sit under the stars with me without expectation of any sort allowing life to be as life can be.
The difficulty is difficult. I am not laughing.
Cannot find the hole?
I'm crying.
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