Finding Myself or Losing Myself after TBI

After a traumatic brain injury survivors miss who they were while struggling with the complications of who they now appear to be. Cognitive, physical and psychological have shifted. Not being able to accomplish what you often took for granted is discouraging. Aspects of daily living such as doing things easily, feeling strong and going with the flow find us now in a different place.
I now feel like I'm ninety five. I need much sleep and move slowly. Every day is different and every day the same. Slow days filled with the feeling that I'm just waiting for the day when my end of life steps in. Putter around, accomplish little.
Since my day of injury things have improved. Slowly. I have a long way to go. But where am I going?
With all of this added time I am trying to find myself. Or perhaps I'm losing myself.
What is self?
Who am I looking for?
I've never been a fit in. High School graduation I stayed home and dropped by later to pick up my diploma. When eighteen I didn't register for Selective Service. Turning nineteen soon I finally did. They sent me a packet of lined correspondence for my explanation on why I never registered.
"Because I never got around to it," I wrote back.
College Graduation, I played horse shoes and received my diploma in the mail.
I worked towards ordination. Whoops.
I've always studied and read and sought a truthful balance. Following for following sake? I question authority. I don't believe every word and prefer fingers which point the way so that I can see for myself.
I was a Freemason and served as Chaplin. E-gad.
The world and everything in it isn't seen by me as complicated. It is seen by me as purposely delusional. Like a thick wood, only some make it through.
Finding myself now where I am closely hermit-ted in a many faceted way, the wood is thinned.