Let's Take a Break

Experiencing an injury is as a curve in the road that came unexpected. Some may stop suddenly, go up over the curb or up on a hill. Some may go over the cliff with the unexpected outcome so shockingly so.
I can only write of my experience in a hope that you may find positive some which has helped me. Not that I have secrets to share but maybe a way to discuss climbimg out of the ditch.
In 1987 I underwent a severe back injury which placed me on a long path to recovery. Loaded with pills and a cane and a brace with a t.e.n.s. unit, I decided to look outside the box. I was stuck.
I began to read about medication and supplements that others found helpful. Not just believing what I read of course, I just read deeper. I read Love, Medicine and Miracles by Dr Bernie Siegel and discovered responses and fears and expectations regarding injury and illness.

I signed up for FeldenKrais Therapy. which I believe would now be helpful for TBI. My teacher gave me some tapes made by her husband (Josef Dellagrotte) with Taoist healing meditations. The Inner Smile, The Movement of Chi and the Six Healing Sounds.

Practice opened doors and improved my physical movement. Based on non traditional help I also went for Acupuncture. Regardless of thought or opinion this work/practice stimulated the body and brain helping me progress wherein others I knew seemed to rest in where they were. They had "bad backs" that captivated their lives. Their careers. Their thoughts and conversations.

I have practiced with meditation for years. Since my TBI it has become difficult. I'm not a Guru or teacher. Just someone who has been active and non active with daily practice. I'm working on it. Years ago I learned some Tai Chi and Qigong along the way. Helpful learning. I first read Jon Kabat-Zinn years ago. Along with many other related books, even others by him, I learned in a good way.

Surviving a brain injury is different for us all. I have however seen that pre-injury and post injury we all have something in common. We spend too much time having our thoughts captivated by the before and after of things. Always thinking about unreality. We feel it in our bodies and emotionally with our minds. After brain injury people often become stuck in who they were. What they did or could do. What does it accomplish really. Anger. Depression. Physical stress.

Looking ahead, we want to be this or have something go away. The thought and stress accomplishes what? Headaches? Nervous stomachs? Tight muscles? So depressed that we want to end it now?

Learning Mindfulness Meditation is only a way to learn on how to accept reality. That means awareness of now. Mentally and hence physically and psychologically burdened accomplishes nothing but stress, anger, depression and anxiety; where nothing positive can be produced.

Mindfulness is a practice. Not a race. Not a goal. Lighten up. It can be surprisingly humorous. Seriously. When beginning the practice, relaxing yet straightening the back and body whether sitting on a chair, a cushion or stump you learn to follow the breath and let thoughts pass as clouds in the sky. C'mon! It's a practice, not a race. You're learning. It is funny sitting and breathing and you begin to pat yourself on the back.

"Man, I'm great at meditation!"

Your thoughts float off into great positive thinking. Like I'm flying on a magic carpet. I feel so relaxed!

Then you realize that following your thought is what's going on. Breath? I'm just breathing. LOL Through following the breath and letting the thoughts go on their own takes practice. Practice. PRACTICE! LOL!

In other words, what I'm trying to say is that Mindfulness helps teach us that thoughts, feelings and emotions stuck on yesterday and tomorrow captivates us. "Living" in the present moment frees us. It is not magic. It is practice helping free us from thoughts which captivate our minds and body focused on that which is past or future filling our minds and body with stress and anxiety.

I would suggest that you read the book. Letting go is more useful than hanging onto what has passed or is what you wish for. Let me know what you think?

The River of Life

On this day in 2003 me mum died unexpectedly. Unexpectedly in that she was built to exceed ninety plus years. Her liver shut down shortly after a hip replacement. May have strongly bid for an attorney but unexpected things make the family move on in shock.
This picture was taken in the early 1950's. She sits in thought.
Prior to my Brain Injury I had opportunity to sit in no-thought. Meditation allows thought to enter the mind like clouds do the sky. We are able to watch them cross from one horizon the the other. Change shapes, size and color.
We grab tightly to thought which manifests as a rudder forcing us along on the sky of life. We are born and we know also that one day we shall also die. From birth to death emotions such as fear and anxiety, depression and anger, love or lust or greed or desire can either steer or be observed.
My Brain Injury has taken over my (??) whereby I emotion has excessive authority. Physically I am altered in undesirable way. The mechanism of the human brain has also been changed.
It is confusing and appears that feeling anxious and depressed is reasonable. And I concur. I believe that the issue lies with grabbing emotion and letting it drag us along or being able to observe its arrival and departure.
It is a Practice. One that I have dropped and continue to find like a hot potato. I don't want to give up. I may need a little Ativan to assist. A little. The future now, appears more mysterious that it did five or ten years ado. Do I want to struggle in the river of life or learn how to ride it?
Oh well.... I miss you Mum. I give you love and apologies. I wish that you could have met Ann. You would really like her.